Hi @danmcderm
A few days ago I was with a friend of mine. She has colon cancer, but underwent chemo and radiotherapy (needless to say it is a very aggressive treatment for the bodyā¦ and mind), and apparently sheās clean of it (although every 6 months she needs to have a check-up).
So due to the illness, she is constantly fighting against herself since the path she has travelled with the disease has awakened memories of her past relationships (with herself, parents, siblings, ex-partners, etcā¦ you know what Iām talking about).
So she is constantly travelling back in time, blaming herself for things she did that she would like to fix now but canāt. Because life always sweeps everything away and prevents you from going back to the past because unfortunately the people are no longer there.
As for the present, her vision ā even though she is ācuredā ā is completely negative: due to the after-effects of the treatment making her temporarily dependent (something she considers a weakness), and because of the memories of the past that she cannot change.
As for the future, she has contemplated the possibility of not continuing.
Even so, she sees perfectly where her mind wants to lead her, and although she would like to get rid of it all, her mind says āit is impossibleā. So when she needs to share she calls me and we share long deep talks, both of us observing it all over a coffee in any coffee shop. Talks that she told me the last time we met, that she doesnāt share with anyone except me, as the rest of the time she locks herself in her room (she lives with a relative) and doesnāt come out so she doesnāt have to meet people and listen to their (according to her) āfalseā pity (i.e.: not ātrueā compassion).
At the last meeting, she said she would like to laugh and joke with me (we laugh and make jokes, but she means laughing and putting sorrows aside), and not always have to talk about all this, because in her mind it is ādepressingā. Simply because our talks are merely questions posed ā most of the time, by herself ā that she herself must look at, and not me, to find an answer to them.
So she is no different from any of us. Living life always escaping from ourselves. Hoping to find a happiness at the end of the road that never comes, and never will until we put an end to the āoneā inside us who longs for that happiness so much.
Every human being emanates from a natural loneliness that he never looks at. Simply because he considers it ādepressingā. So he prefers to laugh and make jokes with life, thinking that this is how he will live life, without realising that until he contemplates that natural loneliness, until he lives with it as one and not separated from it as we usually do, he will have lived life without living it.
Do you understand now, not only the final part of my post to @BobHearns , but its entirety? ā¦ If not, you can keep asking if you wish to do so. I only ask one thing of you and anyone else who wants to comment on this postā¦ this post is NOT to talk about my friend, but about OURSELVES, otherwise (and sorry for saying this) it is better to stay silent.