I do not know if you have ever tried to be completely aware without any choice, to be wholly perceptive without any borderline to attention. If one is so aware one can see that one is always running away from the things of which one is afraid, always escaping.
Public Talk 7 Paris, France | September 19, 1961
When I try to be completely aware I’m choosing to attempt it, as in practicing meditation. What I find with this attempt is that awareness of all the senses is accompanied by my stream of consciousness, the thoughts that arise constantly whether I’m aware of them or not.
These streaming thoughts are words, images, memories, sounds, whatever the brain draws from its content to keep the stream moving along. I’m aware of physical sensation, sound, sight, smell, temperature, etc., but it’s always accompanied by the content of my stream of consciousness, and these two different movements aren’t always coherent. In fact, the stream of consciousness seems to have less to do with the physical sensations than its compulsion to keep moving. The body’s response to actuality is nothing like thought’s response, the purpose of which seems to be distraction from and resistance to awareness.
The more aware I am of this distraction, resistance, and incoherence, the more I want to bring a stop to the stream of consciousness. It seems to have no other purpose than to continue as if it is as essential as breathing. But because it conveys little or no necessary information, it’s called the “monkey mind”.
As much as I want to lose my stream of consciousness, I have to admit my fear of not knowing who I am, of feeling lost without that knowledge. It doesn’t occur to me that it might be now that I am lost, clinging desperately to my stream of consciousness, my contents, to keep being who I think I am.