Ok, one really really final post (for the time being)!!, as I feel this is pertinent to what has happened recently on Kinfonet, and which - looking at the world around us - happens so often in our relationships generally: which is that so often our discussions end up in conflict. Why is this?
Some people have left because of it. Some people drop by just to create it. And everyone is guilty of it to one degree or another.
So what is the root cause of it?
There are, of course, a plethora of secondary causes: for example, communication and miscommunication, not being able to express oneself clearly in English, not being able to process long sentences and paragraphs, being confused by the way people write or talk. And also each person brings to a discussion their own mood and setting - such as tiredness, subjective reactions of boredom and irritation, having images of each other, being at different stages of life, having different personalities and psychological constitutions from others, etc.
In addition there is the fact that this is a discussion forum set up to look at Krishnamurtiâs teachings, and there are a number of different approaches to what he has said, different opinions and interpretations; or peopleâs fundamental ideological objections to what he has said. There is the issue of authority and reaction to authority. All this may contribute to the conflict here.
There are also the more technical reasons Krishnamurti has himself given for conflict, such as the built-in limitations of thought, knowledge and experience, etc.
But I think it is obvious that the main factor is each personâs blatant or subtle (or hidden) selfishness. Each personâs egotism. And this egotism destroys everything.
Some people, paradoxically, may express this egotism by assuming that they have insight and are without ego. Some people may express it by assuming that they already know themselves, and that any serious person is âalready awareâ of their ego. Some people may express it by rationalising the ego away - i.e. that everyone is egotistic, so why bother even looking at it. Some people may express it by an over confidence in their own knowledge, or in assuming that their own experiences are vastly more important than those of other people. While others may express it by actively sabotaging investigation, or by being actively resistant - whether because of fear, prejudice, ideology, or simple vanity.
What is the ego?
Briefly, the ego is - or includes - our ideas and beliefs, our convictions and prejudices, our images of ourselves and of each other, our psychological knowledge, our psychological reactions in relationship, our emotions and self interest, our defensiveness, our competitiveness, our vanity and our arrogance. All this informs, or is part of, what we call âegoâ.
So what can be done about it?
As far as I can see it, the only thing we can do about our egotism is to see it as it is happening; to watch it as it expresses itself in ourselves (as well as in others). To be sensitive to how this egotism slowly creeps into a discussion and throttles it, how it creeps into a relationship or an interaction and takes over, creating endless arguments and dissension.
So we have to be attentive, as it is occurring, to the movement of ego in all its forms.
This is not to say that there is no place for honest disagreement about things, for questioning each other and asking each other for clarification, etc. Clearly there is. There is obviously a place for pushing back on peopleâs sometimes baseless assertions; for asking questions where one feels there to be obtuseness or lack of clarity; for calling out what seem to be obvious falsehoods, or expressions of prejudice.
But this doesnât have to be done with a sense of antagonism and ego. One can point out obvious errors and clarify ambiguities with a sense of friendship, frankness and equanimity. And one can be open to other peopleâs questions and criticisms without reacting with hurt pride or frustration. But we can only act in this way if we are present, attentive, to the ever-present danger of our own egocentricity.
Each of us is responsible for having - or not having - this awareness. One could call this having emotional intelligence, or being sensitive.
Obviously we fail in this all the time. And yet it is clear - from what we see both here, in our relationships with others, as well as in the world at large - that such awareness is existential, vital in relationship. Without it everything goes to pieces.
I think we all grasp this intellectually. But for some reason we do not grasp it with our intelligence, and act upon it, which is why there is still conflict.
This is the fundamental challenge it seems to me. So many of our questions and concerns roll into it.
Can we be aware of our own egotism as it expresses itself in relationship?