Hi everyone (: It’s nice to be apart of a network with others who have read Krishnamurti! I started reading K January 2020 and since then, I’ve gone through so much healing. That was the first time I genuinely felt free and felt life is worth living. Not a lot of people can say that and I will always wish for everyone to find that.**
I have been stuck in this impossible place for months now… about a year honestly. Now that I’ve reflected, socially I’ve been stuck on taking action and showing up in society with all I’ve learned. I find myself repressing all I really want to say and all I’ve learned…and worse I end up adjusting to please people in social situations. It’s a denial of my own freedom and feels like the worst abuse. I do that or I isolate when I know that people won’t understand what I’m talking about. It’s so depressing that I’m scared to go out of my comfort zone and confront this fear of judgement/being misunderstood. It’s draining and I feel emotionally bruised every time I adjust myself to please who I’m talking to.**
This is my last step… it’s a big one but I’ve been stuck here for so long. I want to be my raw uncensored self, regardless of who I am around. I don’t want to control how anyone sees me and I want to be able to say everything I want to say without fear.**
I have been terrified to take this step. Especially knowing that so many will judge and not understand… before I read Krishnamurti I wouldn’t have understood either. Because I have been so repressed it has taken away so much from me. I haven’t found anyone who understands me. It’s really lonely in this place.**
I want to see what everyone went through socially after reading Krishnamurti? Did you find yourself in this weird place of never feeling more free but then sad and isolated because you can’t share it with anyone? Did you feel more alone? Or stuck with how to navigate in society? Do you isolate from people instead of confronting to control them judging you? Have you found people who see you and get you? Are you still struggling with this like I am.**
I think it depends on one’s age. A teenager or someone in their twenties might choose to be confrontational and controlling because that’s one way to learn about how to (and how not to) socialize. As one gets older and learns through trial and error, one finds that it’s better to withhold judgment and hear others out, ask for clarification, and take them seriously despite how wrong or misguided they may seem.
The main thing is self-knowledge; to be aware of what one’s own mind is doing in relationship because there’s so much reflexive reaction, and it’s so telling about oneself. Other people are not the problem (though it may seem that, as Sartre said, “Hell is other people”), I, the self-center, is the problem, and seeing this clearly may be the solution.
Hi and welcome!
I’ve been interested is all this for a long, long time. As far as expressing it “socially “ I don’t do it. One reason is that whoever is listening if they aren’t familiar with any of ‘this’ will put me in a box and label me (to themselves,) this or that. Another reason I don’t talk about any of this except in general vague terms is I don’t want to inadvertently put off someone from discovering Krishnamurti’s wonderful teachings on their own…and perhaps, find in them what you have found.
It is good that you haven’t “freely expressed” to others without any repression. Most people would think you are crazy and what not.
The main question is have you understood yourself to the extent that others would start noticing. It is not something you actually do which gets noticed, but the understanding itself acts on others.
As K would say first clean your backyard before venturing into the street.