You read my mind! I was just about to respond. I took a break from the conversation because it started to get too intimate, to hit too close to home, scared me off.
Now I’ll respond, here I go!
I don’t know.
In order to enquire and to explore any further, what else is necessary other than the unique fact that there is nothing more we can do?
I don’t know.
I feel like I’m at the edge of the unknown. Now what do I do: Stand transfixed like a deer in headlights, slink my way back to the known, or take a step into the unknown?
If I walk away, where does that leave you and the Rick-Paul relationship?
“death is the mother of beauty”
Death is death and beauty is something else.
This is the actuality, the fact. There is fear in our relationship. Why?
It is a poetic expression. Death is the mother of beauty, it says. It does not say they are the same thing.
If there is fear in this situation, why not face it fully without any movement away from it and see what happens? Knowing that moving away from it, it will only recur in the future?
Already you’re complicating it by emphasizing the object of desire rather than desire itself. Desire for anything is whatever imagination can conjure - chasing one’s own tale.
There is no Rick-Paul relationship. There is only relationship. Fear has no place in relationship. Fear is something invented by Rick or by Paul or by both of them together to prevent relationship. Rick and Paul are redundant; they can fade away.
Then it is a false situation. Staying with it, we are staying with the false.
One cannot imagine the new and the unknown. It’s impossible. That’s why I am asking if there is any gap between the desire and the actuality. Doesn’t the desire for the unknown make you immediately throw over the known?
Are you willing to meet an unknown person? That’s really what it is asking. The desire to meet another person, what is it all about?
And yet: There it is!
So what is more important to you or of greater interest: the fear or the relationship? Fear has a history, a cause, a timeline - it can be verbalised, analysed, explained and justified. Fear is what makes the relationship ‘ours’ - but the moment it is ours, it is no longer a relationship. While we are in contact with fear we can have no contact with each other.
“We” are not staying with it, l am…
But what are you staying with actually?
They’re both important.
Then do you have to choose? Fear is of the old and the known; relationship is new and unknown. If you choose, you will always choose the known. But relationship is always there whether you choose or not.
Yes, relationship is always there. Fear too for most of us.
Fear is an indication of the absence of a relationship. Thought can only ever sustain a relationship with itself. While thought is active, there is no relationship between you and me. But thought has already made you and me very important; it has already created a lot of images based on what it has seen and interpreted of the other person. This interplay of images is called ‘relationship’, even though there is still no actual contact between us - because thought is always the intermediary point of contact.
Does a bond exist between us? A gravity-like force? A connection? A mutual two-way insight?
How can you desire what you can’t imagine?
I’m saying the same thing about ‘freedom’. I’ve formed an image of ‘psychological freedom ‘ and then pursue it as if it’s in the future and not right here right now. It’s a fool’s quest.
The brain may have trapped itself in terms of its actual potential. But it has done so because it wants the ‘security’ of being attached to people and things.