I don’t have any answers - hopefully we can only get better (at not acting like we do) good luck.
If you agree that the final goal is love, then remember that the only way to stay on the path is to take the first step in love.
One question that we might keep in mind is : why do words have such an effect on me emotionally, that I must take sides?
Surely - on a written forum, we can take the time to reread what has been said, and delete any violence, especially when we are talking to fellow humans.
What we mean by love may be different. But if you simply mean general affection, then I hope we have this in the background much of the time, right Douglas? I feel affection towards you in the ordinary sense.
This is why I asked you (and Dan also) what it was you think I said that caused such a reaction? I remember writing something abruptly in a moment of exasperation - something along the lines of “I’ve had it up to here with this rubbish, this is the last time I’m going to speak to you about it!” (or something like that). I remember feeling bad about it and apologising soon afterwards.
James, we are together in this - part of what forced me to look at what I was doing was because I cared.
If you were someone I could not relate to at all, I could have gone on acting like an idiot.
We act like idiots in the world because we don’t really care. (or we are blindly carried away by our selfish desires)
You have nothing to apologise for - but before I sign off, I have a theory (most probably fallacious) :
If I am always the smartest person in the room, it becomes increasingly difficult to listen to what other people are saying.
But this is the only way to open our hearts : to listen with utmost care without fear of corruption.
And if I am the smartest person in the room, I shine the brightest, thus it is of utmost importance that I open my heart.
I’m not sure I follow what you mean by being the “smartest person in the room”, etc. But if you simply mean that those with a tendency to be intellectual (which I think applies to both of us) sometimes or often find it difficult to “open our hearts”, I think this is fair.
As you say, the biggest challenge for us in relationship is to really hear what the other person is saying - not just at the intellectual level, but with one’s heart. And I accept that I often fail to do this - though it is not for a want of trying!
Listening, like seeing, is an art. And opening one’s heart in that listening is something I find myself learning to do, without being proficient in.
I still feel that clarity in language, in expression, is very important. But I accept that without the involvement of one’s sensitivity, one’s affection, a merely verbal clarity has little or no meaning.
Maybe we can shake hands on this and agree that giving attention to this factor going forward (on whatever forum) is a priority for us both.
K talked about the art of listening. I’m fairly sure others must have also used this expression. I understand that by using the word “art”, K was pointing out the great importance of listening attentively and how this involves much skill. As far as I can see, listening seems to be something that is often taken for granted. It’s easy to go through life not really listening carefully a lot of the time. It’s rare to have someone point out the importance of listening and how to be connected to others we need to listen to them. We might study many subjects at school, college or university, but listening isn’t one of them.
and agree that giving attention to this factor going forward (on whatever forum) is a priority for us both. 